what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
