I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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