My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
