I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
