I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
