My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dignity is for republicans.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
