Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
