it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
