Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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