Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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