How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize