some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize