we're making bets on your personal life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
