Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
