i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize