U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
