you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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