you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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