We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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