I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
