I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
