If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
