are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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