and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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