Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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