Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize