u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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