I love black thongs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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