No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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