I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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