Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
