youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
