I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
