I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
this hospital has no fireball
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize