The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
