Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
