i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
