that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
