Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
