Already got asked if we're dating
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
