you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
