oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
