I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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