FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i now understand why vodka
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
