end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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