bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
