Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found the puke drawer
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
