She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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