I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He? As in you personified your dick?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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