I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
