I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
