it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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