I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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