I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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