turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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