Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
