sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
