you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
