So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
