I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
