My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
