Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
