I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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