I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
