i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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