I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
