So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
