I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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