She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
