The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
