a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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