This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize