Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize